A Letter To My Children

I’m sure you’ll eventually learn this about your mother, but I thought I’d make sure it’s down in writing, just in case you ever needed a reminder. I’m writing only weeks after my thirty fourth birthday, as I’m reflecting on a gathering your dad and I attended recently. This gathering was full of wealthy and influential people, which isn’t an uncommon occurrence within the realm of pastoring or owning a business. This time though, the entire night I noticed such a reoccurring trend of pretentiousness.

This certain attitude used to irritate me to no end. “Who do these people think they are?”, or “Why is it so hard to find real people?” were some of my thoughts.  Eventually, I found myself avoiding contact and being ready to leave.

I’m sure by the time you can read, I will have thoroughly explained this word, but just in case you’re not fully aware of it’s depth, here’s the definition:

attempting to impress by affecting greater importance, exaggerated importance, worth, or stature.
Some synonyms that truly define this as I’ve seen it play out in life:
  • Showy
  • Artificial/fake
  • Inflated
And I’ll add “stuffy”

The thing is, this gathering would have drove me kind of crazy in the past. I would have been planning our escape plan within the first ten minutes. But, the very attitude that used to rub me wrong, is now the attitude that tells me the most about the person. Pretentiousness now acts as red flag; a reminder from the Lord of their need for love.

What I had not realized when I came across this attitude before was that—

The more pretentious the person, the greater the amount of shame hides within.

A person full of shame is believing something is wrong with who they are. Being pretentious is just one of the many ways shame shows itself.

My loves… please be real, authentic, true to yourself, preferring of others, humble and kind. Because, fake-nice faces and halfhearted, disinterested conversations are unbecoming, and obvious to anyone around who has an ounce of discernment.

Be truly interested in what others have to say, not asking questions you don’t truly care to know the answers to.

True honor comes from being humble.

God resists you when you are proud but continually pours out grace when you are humble.”
James 4:6  (TPT)

I pray that as you grow, you become so aware of just how loved and valued you are by the Father, that shame never stands a chance.

I pray you grow to know your worth, value, and your true identity as His beloved child.

It is only in knowing and being known by your Father that you are able to live life never needing to measure up, look, or act any way other than who you were created to be.

Only then will you be able to live without barriers that prevent you from truly connecting with those who are not just like you.

If by chance, you have seasons or moments when you forget His goodness, I pray you find yourself surrounded by the kind of people who will remind you. The kind of people who only accept depth and truth, over pretention.

And last, I want you to know that you will always come across pretentiousness on all different levels from others. Always remember, every single person is loved deeply by the Father and we are called to love them just the same.


  1. I’ve stated before (pretty much on the regular, honestly) that I’ve hated pretentiousness, I’ve come to realize that the more we mature in Christ the more we can recognize and truly love what He loves and hate what He hates . As parents we begin to realize that those are the things that separate us. This is probably my favorite blog you’ve written ❤️

Leave a Reply