I Made A Bed For Her

I made a bed for her.
I made a place inside my heart.
I allowed my children to love her and grow close to her.
I saw such injustice taking place in her life and knew I had to do my part to bring stability, love and justice.
I longed to rescue her.
I prayed for and longed to be part of ending the cycle of dysfunction in her life.
I lost a daughter once, and felt as if this was part of the Lord’s redemptive plan for our family and my heart.
As of today, I have yet to see justice.
Instead, I’ve seen the unfortunate truth that the current system meant to keep children safe and properly cared for is very, very broken.
Broken and overwhelmed by such extreme dysfunction making anything less than an “extreme case” no longer critical for intervention.
And now all that remains is memories of
dance parties, bubble baths, and giggles.
Memories of all of the songs sang and prayers prayed over her at bedtime as I tried my best to bring peace to her troubled heart.
Her heart remains troubled and ours remain broken.
It’s not over yet, but in the natural it definitely seems so.
I do not share this vulnerable story to make you feel bad for us. We are people of faith and we are extremely blessed. We will come out stronger. I share this to remind us all, that no matter what, it’s worth it.
The time she spent with us was worth all of the heartache.
I remind myself and my children often “God’s not finished yet. What we long for is a good thing, but our God has our Greater Good in the works. He loves her more than we ever could.”
I admit I’ve been mad. Mad at the injustice that remains. The injustice that I was shown but cannot do anything to stop. It’s the worst feeling.
Just as I felt robbed when we gave birth to a child already in the arms of Jesus, I feel robbed now.
Yet, the truth remains. Our God is sovereign, He is in control. And He is good. Those truths don’t change because of how I feel or because of what I’m not seeing.
I don’t know yet what will come next, but I do know we can’t give up. We can’t bow out because it’s hard. We can’t stop fighting for justice. He is a God of justice and I’m standing on that truth, believing in His timing it will come.
 
I can’t say I have ever felt so weak, but the good thing is, when we are the weakest His grace is made perfect.
 
Let us never abandon the pursuit. Instead, let us only surrender the outcome.

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